Stairway to heaven
by whoyouarexo
Summary: Another Jay/Ruth,


D

The accident.

Scared. Thats the only word I could use to catergorize my current feelings. Shaking, stirring, goosebumps half way up my arm, as I walked towards the man I loved, bleeding on the floor. I had seen it with my own eyes..accident..was it even a accident. As much as I would love to fool myself into believing that the big black van that hit the man I loved was a random van, I knew better. The van was in my brothers posession. My brother who picked drugs over me, the brother that had consistently made my life feel like a circus. Constantly turning up at my work place, washed up from whatever he had done previously, expecting me to take him under my wing, trust him, throw money at him to keep him happy, get him clothes, and I fell for it every damn time. He had warned me. Jay.

That was the man I loved. He had told me that my brother was in the wrong, something wasnt right, but I was being my usual emotionally cut off self, and shook him off with a harsh glare and some ill-chosen insults directed at him. That same night, I had also reminded him that our relationship was over, why was he still looking out for me? Even though I secretly loved it, having a strong person to look after me, protect me from everything evil in the world, replenish all the sins I had previously committed, it didnt matter when I was with him.

My brother eventually got caught out, he had come to the hospital, my workplace to visit me supposedly. I had kept him there, half because I liked showing that I had a relative, the other sector was because I felt a need to keep him out of trouble. He was collasped in the toliets, he had injected himself in the foot, so I wouldnt see that he was still using. He was at deaths door, and I treated him. Promptly I sent him away after, with my usual band of sarcasm crossed with manipulative insults, and cold words that usually emulated how I was feeling.

Jay had tried to be there, but I hadnt let him, I was the ice queen, and my barrier was well and truly up. Everything changed after Christmas though. I had been so overjoyed at the thought of Christmas, a time I usually spent alone, but this year I had a brother. But on my path, everything was driven away, and the moment my brother put that needle in his foot and ended up horizontal, was the moment I ejected him from my life with a immediate and endless effect. Jay had taken pity on me after Christmas, after finding that I had spent it alone.

My family, everyone in my family were horrible. We were the trademark baddies on the estate, the ones that everyone was scared of, the imitating ones, at least that was my brother and my dad. Crossing people who crossed them they called it, even though these people only had to look at them in the wrong way and they would receive black eyes and big puffy lips to take home, aswell as death threats and warnings that their familys might not be the same if they went anywhere near them again. I just frowned and carried on reading whatever book I was immersed in. I was never a supporter of violence and I will continue with this trait. My mother would of agreed. I used to idolize my mother, until I came home and found her swinging from the ceiling.

She had hung herself. Out of loneliness, unhappiness, or a mental illness? I don't know, I was only around 8, I had ran home after Dad had insisted on beating up another innocent person, and then suddenly she was swinging around in her best white nightie, her hair flailing around, her face drained from colour, big red circles under her eyes. I had tried to pull her down, but the rope was tight, I couldn't do it. I couldn't save my own mother yet I was a doctor. Who did that make me. Who would that make me if I couldn't save Jay?

For once I agreed with him, I need someone, someone warm, caring, and who wouldnt let me down at every chosen opportunity. I needed him and he needed me. We were back together.

I knew there was bad blood with Jay and my brother. Upon learning that I had a boyfriend, my brother dearest hassled him for drug money aswell. Jay wouldnt give in, he never did, and now he was sprawled across the road because of my brothers rage, rage that for once he couldnt get exactly what he wanted, he needed, he craved.

Technically it was a hit and run, the coward drove off, as soon as he realised he had gone too far. I ran towards him, my usual straight, perfect stance going out of the window, to hell with that, I needed to save the one thing in my life worth living for.

I cradled his curly hair in my arms, and screeched for help, we were only across the road from the hospital, someone would hear me, they had to hear me. Soon enough two of my colleagues turned up at the scene, turns out the dimwit that was my brother had called the ambulance after all, turns out he had some sort of conscience, even if it was tainted. They jumped out the vehicle, they didn't know who the victim was, they didn't know it was a member of staff, someone who was usually full of such vibrant energy, that never-ending spark that he gave off.

Their faces turned from cocky smiles to a cautious groan, a distraught, upset one, as they studied Jay paling, his face becoming slightly tinged blue, blood dripping from his head, which was being held still by my shaking hands, my whole form was shivering in the cold night, but I couldn't let go. Not now. All I wanted was to see his big brown eyes open again, tell me how he was, tell me some stupid joke that I couldn't care a less about.

And last of all. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me. I had always cast it aside, because I was scared of loving someone, I was scared of depending on someone, and using them as a shield, someone to protect me and my emotions, but not any more. I needed to tell him I loved him in case I lost him, even though the thought was unbearable.

I moved one of my hands and stroked his cheek, as tubes were inserted into his arms, his legs, all helping him circulate again. Now I played the part of the fool, all of this time my love for him had been held back, as if it was stashed away in a box, but suddenly, I realised what the problem was. I was terrified, petrified of loosing him, the one person who knew how I liked my coffee, when I required his help, needed his hug or just wanted to be alone.

He knew when to hug me, when let go, and he was the only man in my life never to let me down or hurt me purposely.

"I love you" I said quietly, and took a hold of his hand, a momentum of our relationship.

And I swear, I felt a faint squeeze back. He still remained the only person who didn't reject my advances, however much his life was at stake.


End file.
